yes virginia

there IS such a thing as a dumb question.

worlds apart

bow chicka bow wow is intolerable.

brown chicken brown cow is brilliant.

post holiday revelations

definitely anti-in-law worshiping. it gives the elderly fat heads.

i will always win a cheese on cheese bet.

puppy #2 will be named furbekah.

hobo twins?

are they brothers? twins? HOBO TWINS?????

hobo twins?

are they brothers? twins? HOBO TWINS?????

how we stay happy

you cook. i eat.

ass burgers

took the online test. i gots the burgers in my ass. nowonder sandy married me.

My name (pause)

EEEsss JUAN BABARO NOGARIS!


i'm on the internet. look it up.

How we stay happy

I'ma tell you what to buy. You gon' buy it.

quandry on birthdays

if one's friends are vacatioing with friends for their birthdays, does one, as friend, purchase presents for friends? if so, what presents does one purchase?

sandy farts

and then ponders about his earlier consumed apple cider concoction "is this what you get when you try to bring a little holiday spirit into the house?"

rage

mood: mad at lucy

scenario: lucy sniffs around the couch ottomon like a maddness has overcome her. as though her most exciting moment in life is about to occur. she noses the ottomon all the way across the room, covering it with dognose droole. I, being her looker-afterer, go to the ottomon to see if I can help her find whatever she's looking for. I run my fingers between the couchy layers and encounter a disgusting slimey geko corpse. Lucy snaps it up in her mouth as I stand there screaming. Sandy is called upon to extract geko from Lucy's mouth and properly dispose of it.

But here is the part that makes me mad. I'm mad at Lucy for making me (expecting me almost) to touch the geko. But even more so, Im mad at her for not letting me be mad at her. She keeps trying to make giant aname eyes at me that say "I'm soooo sorry! I'm so sorry. Love me again please. Please love me!" I refuse to make eyecontact with ms. giant eyes and this throws her into desperation overdrive. She then begins pleading with Sandy with her giant eye innocent stares to which all he can do is beg me to forgive her.

That is fucked up.

blogging

kinda sucks to come back from vacay and discover that one blogee, who shall remain nameless (secret: said blogee has been excomunicated by the blurch (no pretzel)), has abandoned said blog. Such refusals to contribute one's most intimate feelings and thoutghts whilst said shnazzlestar vacations abroad is unacceptable. Detailed legal proceedings,corpral punishments, and appropriately calculated alimony payments shall be detailed via seperate bloggery.

lucy blog

p and shnazzlestar conclude (miraculously on the same day) that beautiful lucy dog needs a pet chicken. I must work towards this goal because I love my dog. And she needs a chicken.

3rd party enemieship

The best thing 'bout personal hatered of another is that all it takes is a single mutual enemy to make you work together. And thats a beautiful thing.

sandy says

how much fun are we gonna have?? how much fun are we gonna have?? how. much fun. are we gonna. have.?

dear blog, (RE: 1 yr anniversary)

I feel like I've known you a while. I feel like we can call each other friends, companions, as it were (favorite phrase).

Long story short (favorite phrase), I think it is time to have our 1 year anniversary. I love one year anniversaries.

p thinks

that mr. glitters gets too much love in blog.

p thinks that lucy feels neglected and needs more shout outs.

haterade

totally want to smack bitches talking about their awesome vacations that simultaneously refuse to bring me back unpasturized cheeses and truffles.

better than teeth?

monsturd

Serial killer Jack Schmidt (Brad Dosland) is a fugitive who has the police and FBI hot on his trail. After being cornered and wounded by law enforcement authorities, he falls into a sewage tunnel where the chemical company Dutech has also been dumping its toxic waste. The poisonous mixture of feces and chemicals mysteriously transforms Jack into a part-human, part-feces monster who sets out on a deadly rampage.

betsy says:

do repulicans call it an "obama-nation"?

oh... wait... do they already DO that?

dear blog, please kill me

if you ever hear me think incredulously to myself "how many cuffed jeans do I have??" again. I won't deserve to live.

please take advantage

sleep on the bed dogs, sleep away.

how do you know so well what drunk me means for you?

also

im not a sex addict 'cordin to the web.

dear mr. glitters

just cuz im drunk and feeding you at 11pm doesnt mean you need to act like u aint hungry cuz i ajint dfeedin u at 730.

big top cupcake

isn't a giant cupcake just a cake?

office observation

john = eeyore.

keep your tail on.

instructions.

1. go to paris
2. visit the louve
3. make louve

new fave phrase

dik doosh

the universal symbol

(}{)

Vagina Dentada

Q: what do you NOT want a cornicopia of?

A: peanuts and zombies.

¡Mr.Glitters!

who knew ¡mrglitters! had a myspace page. And why does it look almost exactly like I imagine MY mr. glitters's myspace page to look? Full of hairy potter, gender issues, and friends leaving sexi comments... Mr. g loves him some magenta pashmina, lobster bib, humping (mostly air humping)... how have I kept him from hairy p. all these years?

i likes my man

and i wants some roman helmet and salutes