grossest thing ever (for today)

eating a pickle followed directly by a shot of vodka

which is kinda funny cuz today at work i also saw a dude's exploded face lying on the ground. no head - just face. spread open like one of those 2-d globe illustrations. the vodka pickle chaser was grosser.

if i had a

4 inche clitoris (pronounced: clitore-iss)

i would name it Cleetus

twin hobos

TWIN HOBOS!!!!!

PLANS! i got em!

if p boy & i ever have kids and those kids end up being teenagers,i am definitely gonna keep the booze under lock & key... well, only the good booze. i am gonna leave out a couple of bottle of vodka for the kids to pilfer when p boy and i are away. what the kids won't know is that the stolen vodka is actually mostly water with only enough booze to trick them into thinking it's the real deal. what's even funnier is that when they refill the bottle with water, they won't even realize that they are just watering down their own booze stash even more. i'll let them in on the joke when they've gone off to college.

dear mr. glitters

had i know you were a transylvanian hound, i would have treated you better. the end.

living by constraints: a conclusion

somehow there is something about change that makes it really uncomfortable to do... but once it happens, everything is still ok.... or even better.

my first day on my restricted budget plan has been one of the happiest days in several years. i think i feel whole again. I appreciate time more, like I used to, and budget it to do the things I really want to do. I feel a lot more normal. Alot more like the old me.

why must we live by constraints 2: update

dog walkers canceled. i cried. at work.

why must we live by the constraints 2

why does it take money to have fun, be lazy, and get fat?
life options currently up for canceling:
1. dogwalkers (this would make me cry)
2. therapy (working out less-expensive options)
3. eating out (done)
4. buying whatever i want - including suits (done)
5. cable tv (done)
6. cancel froro house bathroom construction (done)
7. canceling car insurance on sandy's cars (almost done)
8. sandy's boy's trip to vegas (almost done)
9. cr (this would hurt me)
10. having the upstairs apt cleaned/painted (done)

what else am I missing? where can I find money?

why must we live by the constraints

of money? why does it take money to make me look good? hate.

passing out is weird

staying home from work is fun

shame

how did i not know there was a restaurant called "the monocle" in c.hill?

new life goal pt. 2

1. join bee keeping society

2. become the white house bee keeper

new life goal

be on more game shows.

more resistance please

i hate everyone for being so supportive of me purchasing a humidifier.

new client

q: tell the crew what ______ is like...
a: a really nice, southern, polite gentleman who is a bigot

q: please describe his cohorts...
a: do the initials KKK mean anything?

log lady

is overrated

avocado heaven

i'm in it to win it.

alabama jacks updatee

square dancer lady has a garter with 1 dollar bills in it secured at her knee. i dont understand.

alabama jacks

square dancing elderly lady (loveley) in full square dance outfit with tap shoes too. i think she's with the band.

best nye quotes

1. IIIIII didnt have sex with MMYYY brother....


2. Heidi, "I think dave may want to go see your therapist..." She looks at Dave.
Dave, "I want to pounch my mom in the face."